In Which I Have My Reasons

Dear readers, feel free to skip the next weeks of upcoming posts as I will be processing my recent break up. This blog is primarily for nothing more than my own venting purposes, but since one or two people seem to stumble upon my blog every now and again (and a few have even elected to follow it–heaven knows why!) I  figured it was only fair to give a bit of warning.
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You are gone.
And I feel a bit like the girl who sings “I Know Him so Well” as she ponders, “If I knew from the start, why amI fallling apart?”

You see, I did know.

I didn’t know exactly how it would happen, or what would be the catalyst; but the inevitability was as sure as the waxing and waning of the moon.
Maybe it’s because I refuse to be content with that which I am offered.
That probability has crossed my mind many a time. Please understand I’m not blaming you.
But whether I should or not, I DO expect to be desired and pursued and treated as though I am WANTED. (Whether or not I’m desirable and wantable is an evaluation for another day.)

For now, I will simply record the signs as I read them (In no particular order):

In Which Fresh Grief is Mingled with Fresh Snow

Snow, like grace, falls quietly, gently, making beautiful the bleak and barren.

It’s spring! It’s Spring!–There should be a lamb-like exodus of winter, not this drifty cold and downy fluff. But this, too, is grace–this cool touch that freezes the soupy bog of my driveway so I don’t have to navigate the deep ruts of mushy mud quite yet.
Today is a clean, fresh start.
I’m sure there shall be tears. When lack of light reminds me of your absence and my skin aches to feel the weight of your warmth, my lips will remember the curve of yours and tremble as I sob into my pillow, regardless of the rightness of this choice. But that will come later, when the frozen bands of numb conviction begin to thaw.

For now there is clean snow, descending in beautiful pensive swirls of white that mitigate the muck, even if only for one more day.